This phrase is something I’m sure we are all familiar with. We first deal with the pain of going through whatever causes the reason to have to move on, learn to acknowledge that it’s now time to move on, then start the painful process of actually TRYING to begin to move on. If we figure out how to do that in the first place that is. If all of that is not an art, then I don’t know what is?
Which is why I’m speaking about it today. It has been on my mind for a long time, but I just didn’t know how to form all those thoughts into words. But someday, somewhere, somehow I realised that if I keep all those feelings bottled up inside me, no matter how much I want to move on, I never will.
Yes, you can talk about it with your friends. Yes you can share motivational stuff in social media. Yes you can try to distract yourself with hundreds of things and keep yourself surrounded with people who make u smile, stay busy, stay active, exercise, go to vacations and rejuvenate, all among many other things. But as far as my own experience goes, unless you actually let go everything from every core within you, can you really move on?
Therefore Step#1: Identify the Why
The “why” can consist of so many different reasons but it is likely to come down to one main one. If you can identify that, it will be all the more easier to go to step 2. I am sure deep down you already know the answer. We almost always know, we just don’t know how to identify what we know. We get familiar with living in the unknown and even if the reason we need to move on for, is right in front of us, we fail to recognize it.
Step#2: Accept the Why
When our brain automatically goes to: Why does this happen to me, why am I the one always in this situation, why does it never happen for, why does it always go wrong for me, etc-we fail to accept the actual reason because we are too focused on the other “why”. But instead, if we chose to turn the script and look at the why in a different light, it makes all the difference. When we look at the positive side of the why, we strive to accept it because it has something in it for us.
Step#3: Look at the whole scenario in a different light
We can answer the same questions above ourselves and not in a way that demotivates us. This happened to me because I deserve better. This didn’t work out because it was never meant for me because something else is. This could have been much worse in 10 different ways I can list right now, but it didn’t. This went sideways because I was meant to learn from this experience and become a better version of myself, where someday in the future I will look back at life and say: “yep that’s what helped me become stronger today.”
Step 4: LET GO
There is a scene in How I Met Your Mother where Ted tells Robin that “I’m letting you go now” and the scene shows her flying away from him. While that scene made me super confused if they actually had an entire conversation or the whole thing had been his imagination, the way they showed it made a lot of sense. We need to feel us letting go of the last clinging false hope. If you can take a big breath and imagine it flying far away from you like a balloon, you can feel your heart getting lighter with every passing second. It won’t happen magically all at once. But it will little by little and I promise you this- every time it will get a little easier.
Step 5: Look forward to all the other stuff in life that will happen for you
Because let’s face it. Whatever it was that was stopping us from moving on, would stop us from looking forwards to our future. We would dread what would happen, dread getting our dreams and heart shattered again and we would live in an endless loop of hope, fear and let downs. But only when you let go of all the possibilities of what “could have been”, you can let start focusing on the “what can be”. Because now that you are free of the burden, all of a sudden, the world doesn’t seem so dark and looming, and with a jolt of surprise you realise that it is a little easier for you to breathe. And if the weather around is good, the sun is shining, and there aren’t-I don’t know-any tornadoes around you, then you can even find yourself smiling a bit widely. Because the world seems better and you know you are finally on the right track.
If this post helps even one person, then I will be very honored and grateful. I know what it’s like to live in darkness while everyone around you is surrounded by flowers and ribbons. You have no hope, no optimism and getting up from bed seems like the hardest task because you know exactly what your day will feel like. But if you have been able to move on, even a little bit, step by step, then you will be up and pouring your cup of coffee and probably find yourself smiling at the bird or squirrel chilling right by your window. At least that works well for me..