Life as we know it, is a long difficult road, with only rays of sunshine here and there. If we are lucky, we are living our life running around, trying to keep up with the pace of a busy life, trying to make everything work progressively and coherently.
I guess that’s where I’ve been. Trying to find my way back into the fight. I realised that all that motivation and positivity does not come overnight. It comes in waves and at most times you forget about trying to achieve it in the first place. And when you do remember, it seems it’s too late to try again.
So that’s probably why I have been procrastinating to write this post. The feeling of not knowing where to start, you know? Even as I’m writing this, and even though I have a clear idea in my head as to what I want to say, I’m trying to fight this nagging feeling.
All I know is, before, I used to write about how I felt all this hope and saw all this light at the end of the tunnel only if we want to see it, etc etc etc. But when it came down to it, where you are supposed to be walking and walking even though your feet are sore and your weight is pulling you down, and you are catching your breath every 5 minutes, I only managed to – just stand there. The world around me zoomed by, the time flew by, but I just stood there, completely zoned out. But on the other hand, I suppose that’s better than falling down in the sea of fast lanes right?
So basically what I’m trying to say is: between when I started my blog, and the current present, I have grown a great deal, overcome a few struggles here and there, but somehow along the way, I lost the positive light in me. I don’t know why- can’t pinpoint the reason (but have a probably accurate but shrewd idea) but I did. But now the more I think about it, the more normal it seems to me.
Life is not about not having any problems to deal with in the first place-it doesn’t work like that. The idea is to dig deep into our inner self to figure out how we are to react, or handle or feel about the problems. But how can we even do that if we don’t make it a habit to react a bit differently than we normally do? How do we do that if we are surrounded by people who don’t think like that? How do we do that if we can’t magically switch our personalities to a more optimistic self every time we come face to face with an issue?
Everyday when I come back home, I come back with feeling unaccomplished. Not unproductive, but unaccomplished. And when you feel like that, you know that something is wrong; especially if theoretically you have had a productive day. Other than health and food on the table, living a life that seems worthy of living, is pretty much the next thing on the list.
So here I am, taking yet another shot to get rid of that doomed vibe in my life. Hopefully, from here onward, with the occasional slipping into old habits (because God knows that WILL happen), I hope to be back to share my struggles and experiences of overcoming those situations so that I can continue to contribute to the positive energy of the blogging society.
You are welcome to join in the conversation about the battle with oneself, or just watch as I now begin to slowly limp my way forwards into tunnel, somewhat in the vague, far away direction of that light. I am happy to be back and in between all the busyness and responsibilities, I look forward to participate more into what we have all started together. Cheers.